"Could you just tone down the smirking side eye, dear? So you put on a red vest, and you’ve tied some tags on a little tree. I’ve got awesome jingle bells on my apron - and just check out this fruitcake calzone I just invented!”
Mitzi was tired of doing all the work for both of them in the relationship - all the talking - all the gestures, even. She knew it would never work out, despite Biff the Elf Puppet’s belief that digging the same music was the key to a good relationship.
By the time you extricate yourself from all those loops of cellophane tape, tearing several cards from your best pals in the process, you’ll really be in the holiday spirit. Bing is grinning because the cellophane tape people were the ones wrangling the cards onto the tree, not him.
The giant salad dressing bottle, tired of providing dressing, decided to switch careers and become a health coach. Unfortunately, bottles are inanimate objects. And so his clientele - the lettuce, green onions, tomatoes and olives - remained the same.
Up in Rochester, on dear old Mustard Street, they had the answer to all my Thanksgiving cooking questions. And it was a one word answer: mustard! Dad and Jim said they liked my zippy mustardy turkey dressing, so it must be good. I would have asked them to elaborate but they were both too busy out in the kitchen drinking straight from the water pitchers.